On Stewardesses

I wasn’t around during the rumored golden age of American air travel, when stewardesses were lored to be perma-smiling, lithe, young creatures — the type of girls you’d actually be interested in hanging out with after a day in cattle class: “Which hotel are you ladies booked at for the weekend?”. And once at that hotel you’d wine and dine them like Don Draper, take them back to your room for a bit of fun until the hotel fire alarm went off, forcing you to scramble down a fire escape and discover  your coworker’s homosexual tendencies as you gazed through an open window (by some accounts this chain of events took place approximately once every 36 minutes in the 1960s).

As a somewhat well-traveled young man who grew up in a Northwest Airlines hub city (DTW), my experience with flight attendants has been roughly 2/3 Midwestern heifers (usually of the soccer mom or soon-to-be soccer mom variety), and 1/3 gay guys (usually of the extremely pleasant but occasionally of the “I can’t believe the company makes us wear these stupid fucking colors” variety). The situation doesn’t seem too much different around LAX/BUR.

I came to terms with the cold, hard reality that I’d be more likely to find myself in a grassy field full of leprechauns, than on a Airbus A330 with a genuinely attractive flight crew. I wouldn’t even need to catch the leprechauns and force them to take me to their pots of gold (as that would be tantamount to rape in this metaphor). Simply noting their existence and telling my friends would be sufficient.

So, friends, this is me informing you that attractive stewardesses are alive and well in Australia. Perhaps not as head-turning as the ones surrounding Leonardo DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can, but still… good times! I’ve been stuck in a few domestic terminals as I travel from Coolangatta to Hobart, and on two JetStar flights, and I give this country a big thumbs up!

While in Sydney, I posted about the attractiveness of Australian computer nerds. To further my research I think my next stop will be to a meth den, to count the number of Australian addicts with flawless porcelain veneers.

Bonus fact: stewardesses is the longest word you can type with your left hand in a standard keyboard configuration.

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2 Comments

Filed under Travel Journal

2 responses to “On Stewardesses

  1. K Per

    haha this post is awesome AND informative! i too, was convinced that the majority of stewardesses (cool it’s the longest) were “midwestern heifers” so good to know that is not the case everywhere.

    p.s. i may even have enjoyed this post more than the one where i received the #1 helper award. it’s funny and engaging.

  2. Adam's Mom

    Adam! How funny!

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